some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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