don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
