he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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