my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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