Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
