he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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