I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
