I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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