U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
