Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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