the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
