Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
