Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
