me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
