I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want nice things and good sex
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
