i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
