So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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