He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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