i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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