it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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