Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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