Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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