I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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