One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
