mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
from now on my penis is your penis
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
