my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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