tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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