There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
