my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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