The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
