I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
