"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
