I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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