its not stalking. its research.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
