nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
