Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
