I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
