i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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