Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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