i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
