I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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