We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
