Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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