i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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