The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
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And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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