perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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