You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
