i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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