i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
