I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
