he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
