were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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