Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize