singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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