there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
