you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
