I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
