I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
