I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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