the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
