He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
