Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
