When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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