i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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