Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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