If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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