if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
