I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
