My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
do herpes really smell.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
