You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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