one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
