Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
