Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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