Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
